"Yes, And" - Beyond Agreement
Recently, in our Theatresports show at The Mopco Improv Theatre, 30 years or so from the day I took my first improv workshop, I was as delighted as I’ve ever been by an improv scene. It happened in a simple game, String of Pearls, in which we improvise a story a sentence at a time (one improviser per sentence), but out of order. The story emerges with improvisers filling in gaps and adding sentences before or after what’s been established so far. (It’s fun; try it with your friends!)
When we asked for a suggestion for a title of a story to get us started, an audience member shouted “She flied to the moon!” So the initial improviser started the story with, “So she raised her arms and FLIED to the moon.” Everyone laughed, appreciating that the grammatical error had been heard and accepted rather than corrected, but it was the next improviser who elevated the moment to one I will remember for a long time. Maria Ayoob said something like, “She went into the break room and EATED her lunch.” Another improviser followed, “You can’t SPAKE to me like that.” Now wrong verbs were a game. So simple - and everyone in the room was crying with laughter.
This is “yes, and”
This is “yes, and” in practice on an improv stage. Everything, we say, is an “offer” to be accepted and built with - even mistakes. Even tiny mistakes that we all know aren’t “important” can be noticed and created with. And when they are, the results are often more delightful than any “good” or “interesting” ideas we arrived with, or try to force inorganically.
AND, both onstage and in applied settings, yes and can be deeply misunderstood. Because it’s jargon. At least in the States, when we say “yes” we often mean “I agree”. But the “yes” in “yes, and” doesn’t signal agreement as much as acceptance. My partner says “Hi, honey, I’m home!” I “accept” that I am their honey and this is home. When I say, “Oh, you’re home early! Don’t go into the kitchen!” my partner must accept that I wasn’t expecting them yet, and that there’s something in the kitchen.” But ACCEPTING that offer, doesn’t mean AGREEING not to go into the kitchen. In fact, the basis of all farce would require that they do at least TRY to find out what’s in there.
Let’s look at some off stage contexts, where the distinction between accepting and agreeing can be even more crucial.
How to Apply Yes, And in High-Pressure Situations
An offer exists: my partner is angry at a choice I make, a pandemic results in a global lockdown, a new administration shifts priorities and pressures leaders to comply. We may not like these offers. We may not agree with them. But they exist. So “yes, and” invites to to investigate what we can accept and build with. I accept my partner is angry and apologize for not conferring with them, even if I don’t agree that the decision was wrong. We accept we are in lockdown and figure out ways to move our training courses online. We - well, what do we do with this last offer?
Also last week, I had the opportunity to support Elizabeth Doty of Third Side Consulting in her work supporting leaders to address this question. Elizabeth draws on William Ury's work on the power of a positive no to support leaders in figuring out what the path of accepting and building without either “attacking” or “accommodating” is that can lead us to “yes, and” what exists without acquiescing in ways that pull us out of alignment with our values and interests. As Doty and Ury say, “In order to get to the right ‘yes’, you need to be able to say, ‘no’. “
The Power of “yes, and”
This is the power of "yes, and" when used correctly. How can I notice the reality I am living in - and co-creating. And how can I access and act on options that will build a satisfying scene.
What are the offers you need to accept, whether you like them or not, and how might you build with them?
Where might a positive “no” help move the scene you’re in forward?
Don’t miss: "Yes, And" - Beyond Agreement
and The History of Applied Improvisation
